Now comes news that the Iranian government has launched a mouse into space.
Nicknamed Helmz 1, the rodent began his terminal trek on Wednesday, and is already a great source of national pride for riot squad troops and battered protesters alike.
In fact, the Australian Broadcasting Corporation reports that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad bragged about how his country is "two more steps away from reaching a point of no return. To a point where we bring all the skies under the domain of Iranian scientists.”
Fortunately for the rest of us, a country that's been more of a global team player (if you don't count World War II) beat Iran to the punch long ago. The Italian mouse Topo Gigio has been orbiting the earth for decades now, and can surely bring Helmz 1 to his little rodent knees if necessary.
Meanwhile, Charles Krauthammer, who ironically enough is himself half rodent, wasted no time hitting the news talk show circuit. Conveniently ignoring the Topo Factor, the conservative commentator insisted that "If you can put a mouse into space, you could put a nuke in New York."
Homeland Security responded quickly, warning citizens to immediately report any suspicious individuals attempting to hurl mice skyward.
Calm down, folks, the situation is well in hand. Just watch what Topo can do to this bag of crackers: