Thursday, December 2, 2010

Awesomely weird gifts

Posted By on Thu, Dec 2, 2010 at 4:05 PM

This week's paper covers the good, the bad and the ugly of holiday gift options. Local goods and vendors, as you can imagine, comprise the good, while our As Seen on TV story definitely rounds out what's bad and ugly.

But then there a some things that just don't quite fall into any of those categories.

Exhibit A, anything from the Brooklyn Superhero Supply Co., which is exactly what it sounds like. This is a place to buy capes, accoutrements for your lair, and secret identity and invisibility supplies, of course.

I'm especially jazzed by the Prehistoric Guardian Fern.

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I happen to have one of these guys, also known as a Rose of Jericho. They're actually really cool because they live without soil and come alive when you water them, even after months of dryness. Believe me, it's the easiest houseplant you'll ever keep.

Exhibit B hails from my favorite hipster site, Mail Movement: teddy bear shoes. These, also, are just what they sound like.

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I'll let these speak for themselves ...

... and move on to Exhibit C, a day book with a different perspective. Forget the sweet, kind tomes of Simple Abundance and Each Day a New Beginning. Here we have Daily Scoldings: A Bracing Tonic of Criticism, Rebuke, and Punitive Inspiration for Better Living.

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Penned by Denverite Beryl Barclay, this once-a-day reader offers old-fashioned bitchy wisdom to make you a better person. (Per the website, it "hurts only in a good way.")

The language for all things nasty, repulsive and undesirable is incredibly colorful and expressive. And though Scoldings is largely meant to be funny, the advice isn't all bad. For example:

Don't rush romance: I mourn the demise of patient, ardent seduction. Lovers just want to get into my girdle as quickly as possible these days. Slow down, I tell them. Take your time. A woman reaches her peak of flavor as she ages, like a fine cheese, just before becoming rancid and inedible. By stating this simple truth you can make a suitor pause and think deeply.

Death Doesn't Make Appointments: Pretty stories about good or painless death may relieve your uncertainty and anxiety. Wishful thinking may help you to believe that death is not so bad, or that you have some control over when and how it will occur. You have no control. Give up your desire for control. It doesn't flatter you. Death is planning a surprise party for you. The surprise is the only fun part of death's otherwise crappy job.

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