"I am kind of excited that some of you have already become clients."
This statement may be the only thing I actually believe out of the mouth of Colorado Springs Christian author and "master hypnotist" Chris Halbohm. It appears in this video, which acts as an introduction to a seminar he's holding called "How to Ethically Hypnotize Your Prospects to Buy Your Products or Services."
Of course, on his website, it emphasizes the word "ethically" in italics (which is how you know it's heartfelt). And there's more:
"In his new book, yet to be titled, [Halbohm] states that our economy is hurting. In our society, today, many people are seeking real and genuine help, goods, and services," sniffles a press release. "We are suffering entitlement thinking instead of real respect. We are in sincere need of a return to quality. People need to see that business people care. The success or failure of businesses may well depend on making these few key strides."
And man, I don't know about you, but you know what says "genuine," "respect" and "quality" like nothing else? Being hypnotized to buy shit you don't want! It's, like, a time-saver, in that you never have to spend time actually wanting the product, as well as an emotional lift, because you never have to spend time wondering if you actually want the product.
This is, of course, assuming Halbohm can actually back up the answer he's given to people who have apparently been asking him if it's possible to hypnotize customers: "Yes of course, I've been doing it for years."
So find the man's upcoming seminar if you want; it's probably on his website somewhere, but I'm not going to plug it here. I will note that you should probably bring a little cash, as it requires a "suggested free will donation of $37."
Try and guess which words were in italics on that one.