Monday, February 20, 2012

Carnal-val? Hell no, says liquor division

Posted By on Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 12:12 PM

If Manitou Springs Carnivale revelers showed celebratory restraint this past Saturday, perhaps a thank-you is due in part to the Colorado Liquor Enforcement Division.

The masks, and much more, remained on the bodies of event attendees.
  • Matthew Schniper
  • The masks, and much more, remained on the bodies of event attendees.

Ahead of the event, to businesses holding liquor licenses, the following letter of warning — no, severe pre-emptive strike — was mailed:

ordinance.pdf

What struck me and the persons who shared the letter with me as most comical — I mean, um, comprehensive — is the extent to which the state office got specific on potential offenses.

You might think a simple sentence like, "Don't get nude in any way or simulate any sexual acts" might suffice. But the office instead produced an entire paragraph listing each prohibited body part (hmm ... we don't see the perineum, or "taint," anywhere on there ...) and acts such as "bestiality" or "oral copulation."

I suppose these days, the more clear one can be in communication, the better, for legality's sake. Regardless, party people, the whole: "Oh, I was only on my knees cleaning up some gumbo that he spilled on the front of his trousers" line probably just won't cut it anymore. And no exposed vulva shall go unpunished!

As part of our own, worrisome due diligence of sorts, we reached out to Manitou Springs Mayor Marc Snyder via phone and email this morning to find out if any incidences of indecency were reported over the weekend.

He, like many folks today, is out of the office for Presidents' Day.

So if we hear anything back in the affirmative that's worth sharing, we'll update this blog.

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