Friday, August 8, 2014

Colorado Springs is Top 10 for douchebags

Posted By on Fri, Aug 8, 2014 at 11:17 AM

click to enlarge Speaking of, here's Chris Brown in Beverly Hills in 2012. - SHUTTERSTOCK
  • Shutterstock
  • Speaking of, here's Chris Brown in Beverly Hills in 2012.
I have no idea if these pointless lists do anything to generate traffic to all the real-estate websites that make them, but either way, here's the latest: Colorado Springs is ranked seventh in the Top 100 douchiest cities in the U.S. 

"For this groundbreaking study, we took the 100 most populated U.S. cities and determined rankings based on percentage of males in each city who listed the douchie items below as 'interests' on their Facebook pages," writes the Estately Blog. "Keep in mind that if you find fault with our criteria it’s probably because you are also a total d-bag."

Here's that criteria, with our associated ranking:

• Nickelback (6th)
• Monster Energy (13th)
• Axe (brand) (15th)
• Don Ed Hardy (13th)
• Vin Diesel (21st)
• Chris Brown (83rd)
• Tosh.0 (9th)
• Mixed Martial Arts (18th)
• Bluetooth (74th)
• Dane Cook (6th)

Jesus, Colorado Springs, just look at that: Our fellow Facebookers are an aggressive, Axe-wearing, energy-drink-drinking band of Nickelback fans. It's shameful (or, you know, totally fine). I can think of a variety of reasons we would rank this high, but most of them rhyme with Smort Smarson.

"If residents of Colorado Springs had to put a dollar in the douchebag jar every time they thought they saw Kirk Cameron drive past in a Mazda Miata while blasting Creed, they could easily raise enough money to pay off the national debt in a month."

At least we're not list-leading Laredo, I guess, or second place El Paso, or third place San Antonio. What is happening in south Texas, anyway? Geez. Pull yourselves together. There is an upside to all this, however.

"There appears to be some sort of douchebag/hipster axis," Estately writes. "Cities with the fewest douchebags (San Francisco, Seattle, etc.) are cities known to have large populations of obnoxious hipsters. Cities with a high douchebag ranking can definitely take solace in that."

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