OK, we've gotten rid of 2014. Will 2015 be better? Or will it be another locust year, when the chirping antics of our local politicos erode our sanity?
No more "Silent Night," no more "Auld Lang Syne" — let's join The Ramones on the road to ruin.
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated / Nothin' to do and no where to go-o-oh I wanna be sedated / Just get me to the airport put me on a plane / Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane / I can't control my fingers I can't control my brain ...
But maybe our leaders will come to their senses. In this holiday season of forgiveness, reconciliation and new beginnings, it's time for us, the weasels of the media, to do our part.
In that spirit, I'm here to offer some New Year's wishes and resolutions.
First, some wishes:
For Mayor Steve Bach: A new and powerful position from which to torment City Council. State Transportation Commission? CEO of the Regional Business Alliance? A matchup with U.S. Rep. Doug Lamborn in the 2016 Republican primary? Lamborn took out two Air Force generals in 2014, but he might have a problem with former PFC Bach.
Council President Keith King: A new Council majority and an end to the midnight memos and off-the-cuff charter amendments.
Mayoral candidate Joel Miller: Bach reconsidering his decision not to run for re-election, which would breathe new life into Miller's anti-Bach campaign. (Will Miller make a low-level pass over the city in his FedEx plane towing a banner reading "Vote for Miller the Stadium Killer?" We can only hope.)
Mayoral candidates Mary Lou Makepeace, John Suthers and Amy Lathen (pick two): Enough votes to make the runoff, and a deeply compromising video of at least one opponent smoking marijuana with Barack Obama.
County Commissioner Darryl Glenn: A sudden attack of common sense, causing him to abandon his rumored plan to run against U.S. Sen. Michael Bennet in 2016.
City Councilor Don Knight: A new motto, "Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."
U.S. Olympic Museum leader Dick Celeste: $65 million for the museum, and an "iconic design" that's easy to make fun of. Preliminary sketches (resembling a giant pig's ear) are encouraging!
UCCS Chancellor Pam Shockley-Zalabak: Construction cranes everywhere as our (her) amazing university enters another year of growth.
Now, some suggested resolutions:
To Philip Anschutz: Do something fun and foolish instead of dreary and corporate! Why not the Anschutz Tower downtown, a torqued, twisting neo-futurist hotel/office/residential edifice that, at 200 stories, would be the world's tallest manmade structure?
County Commissioner Sallie Clark: If any local Republican could beat Sen. Bennet in 2016, you could. Take your shot!
State Sen. Mike Merrifield: Have fun in Denver, get a bill or two passed, keep riding that bike, and hope that Dems once again control the Senate two years hence.
Darsey Nicklasson and Kathy Loo: Finish the Blue Dot Place apartment complex, lease it up, and move on to the next project — and thank you for your gutsy decision to build it!
Councilor Helen Collins: Recall or not, don't be ashamed of your friends and associates. One accessory to murder, one tax evader — we journalists often have several of each!
Aimee Cox, Sarah Johnson, Karen Palus, Wynetta Massey, Kara Skinner and other Bach staffers: Should you stay or should you go? Stay, I hope. Say what you will about Bach, but he's assembled an extraordinarily competent management team. Let's hope that the next mayor doesn't feel compelled to reinvent the wheel.
And finally, one more wish:
For Rob Larimer: Rest in peace, dear old pal. I can't believe I'll never see you again, but I'll think of you whenever our pols do crazy stuff — so you'll be remembered at least once a week.
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