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Private Valentine: Blonde and Dangerous (PG-13)

Sony Home Entertainment

The amazing downward spiral of Jessica Simpson's film career has finally hit bottom, crashing and burning in a spectacular ball of flame. I feel kinda bad saying this with all the bad press she's been getting in the tabloids, but she shouldn't be surprised. Her latest, Private Valentine: Blonde and Dangerous released only in Russian and Bulgarian theaters is essentially a remake of the '80s flick Private Benjamin. In this iteration, a pampered actress, distraught after going bankrupt and finding out that her boyfriend is gay, drunkenly enlists in the U.S. Army. It's no shock this went straight to DVD here in America. It's a super-lame version of a comedy that we've seen before, with every joke failing miserably. Just do like everyone else and ignore it altogether. Louis Fowler

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How to Lose Friends & Alienate People (R)

MGM Home Entertainment / Release date: Feb. 17

This is a film that I really wanted to like. It's got a great lead the always watchable Simon Pegg and it was based on an incredibly hilarious nonfiction book authored by Toby Young. Too bad that the filmmakers, instead of creating a scathing anti-Hollywood comedy, decided to shoot for a male version of The Devil Wears Prada. Pegg is British journalist Sidney Young, who is offered a job at Vanity Fair magazine um, I mean Sharp's and quickly sells out to get a cover story and also to sleep with the ultra-vapid Megan Fox. Jeff Bridges plays Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter (under a different name, of course) as the ultimate sellout. If only the whole film could had been as bitingly mean as he is, we would have had a cult classic on our hands. Louis Fowler

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Dead Like Me: Life After Death (R)

MGM Home Entertainment / Release date: Feb. 17

Dead Like Me is one of those quirky, cable-based cult shows that many fans complained was canceled way too early. I had never seen the show, although I'd always planned to do so. After viewing this new movie, which is acting as a "final episode" of sorts, I don't know that I'm still inclined to seek out the original series anymore. The premise is fantastic a sardonic teen is killed by a meteorite and then becomes a grim reaper and should be ripe for comedy aplenty. But instead, a lazy, confused screenplay puts a nail in that coffin. Furthermore, adding a tired family melodrama into the mix actually makes the whole thing hard to sit through. I really wanted to give this film a chance, but, sadly, it's Dead on arrival. Louis Fowler

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