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Colorado Balloon Classic 

When: Aug. 30-Sept. 1 2014
balloonclassic.com

In a classic line from Ferris Bueller's Day Off, our hero describes his best friend thusly: "Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond." Viewed from out here in Regular-People-Land, various players in the Colorado Balloon Classic debacle seem similarly sphincter-challenged. Yes, LART funds are supposed to be used to attract tourists, and the Springs has repeatedly shown that it's more important to keep tourists happy than to keep residents happy. But just this once, would it kill you guys to play nice so the people who actually live here can enjoy their damn balloons in peace? To enjoy this (maybe) last year of the Balloon Classic in the Springs, head to Memorial Park for inflation at about 6:30 this morning; ascension's at 7, weather permitting; Balloon Glo is at 8 p.m. (balloonclassic.com). Mary Jo Meade

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