El Paso County Commissioner Betty Beedy, uh, I mean Peggy Littleton, who in 2011 delivered a public rant about President Barack Obama, claiming he was secretly creating Muslim schools to teach our kids to hate America, is now lecturing us on constitutional law.
This is like Douglas Bruce lecturing us on social skills. The gardener offering financial-portfolio advice. An Amish guy replacing the Fusion Drive in our computers. A homeless guy conducting a real estate seminar. Mayor Steve Bach laying out his "10 Steps to Being a Decent Human Being."
Betty Beedy was an El Paso County commissioner from 1996 to 2000, a term highlighted by an appearance on a national talk show during which she — while being interviewed by African-American Star Jones — referred to Caucasians as "normal, white Americans."
Sure made a person proud to live in El Paso County.
And now we have Peggy, who has a degree of some kind from a college that changed its name after she graduated. (Coincidence? Perhaps.) She also home-schooled her three kids, passing her great social and intellectual views to another generation while guaranteeing their academic work would not be interrupted by stupid things like sports or proms. Or friends.
Oh, and Peggy loves guns. All kinds of guns. Handguns. Shotguns. Assault guns. Caulking guns. Somehow, between that gun-enthusiast thing and givin' her kids that schoolin' stuff right thar at the kitchen table, she became an expert on constitutional law.
Which is more than you can say for that dimwitted Obama guy we elected president, who graduated from Harvard Law School (which has not changed its name) and then taught constitutional law at the University of Chicago Law School for 12 years.
Eee-yup. When it comes to knowing the law of the land, never you mind that Kenyan fella. I'm goin' with Miss Peggy. (My apologies to the Muppets, and I hereby vow not to mention them again.) Anyway, led by Miss Peggy, here's what our Mensa-worthy commissioners did last week, from a front-page story in the Denver Post: "El Paso County's commissioners won't enforce laws — federal or state — that infringe on the Second Amendment right to bear arms and are prepared to face any financial consequences of not following federal law."
Our county roads look like Fort Carson used them for artillery targets. Fire and flood mitigation plans along Ute Pass in the wake of the Waldo Canyon Fire have been lost in backroom politics. No solutions are in sight for the crime-ridden No Man's Land area along Colorado Avenue on the west side. In summary, our county commissioners do a whole lot of nothing. Oops. I'm sorry. They find time for one thing: getting to the bank to cash their large county paychecks.
But last week, Miss Peggy, along with her board colleagues, decided El Paso County should no longer be part of the United States. We're now the People's Republic of Losers. Let's sing our new anthem: "My country, 'tis of thee. Only kid in my class was me..."
From the Post: "The five-member board may be the first elected panel in Colorado to pass a resolution challenging President Barack Obama's 23 executive orders designed to crack down on gun violence ..." (Although commissioners in Weld County are working on a resolution of their own.)
From Miss Peggy: "We're being proactive and pre-emptive. We're putting people on notice, whether it's the state Legislature or at the federal level."
Among the non-ignorant, the commissioners' resolution is a joke.
"They don't get to decide," said Colorado Attorney General John Suthers to the Post. (Suthers, by the way, is a staunch Republican, but knows stupid when he sees it.) "The Supreme Court gets to decide the parameters of Second Amendment rights."
Makes you want to stop home-schooling your kids and enroll them in one of Obama's secret Muslim schools.
Rich Tosches (email@example.com) also writes a Sunday column in the Denver Post.