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IQ: Let me count the ways 

Despite (or perhaps because of) the moon-in-June schmaltz we absorb from radio, poems, novels and movies, love and marriage are two of the foremost opportunities a human being will ever have to make a fool of him- or herself. Who among us hasn't been involved with a crazy at some time or other? Or worse still, been the crazy? Many and sundry are the tales to tell.

click to enlarge Abraham Eisenstein
  • Abraham Eisenstein

Abraham Eisenstein
Teacher, Cheyenne
Mountain H.S. South side

What's your best wedding disaster story? I was best man at my brother's wedding. When the time came to make a toast, I froze. I couldn't think of a single thing to say. After standing there for an eternity, I said "Good luck to my brother and his wife" and sat down. My brother's best friend jumped up, said that wasn't good enough and gave an impromptu speech in my stead. That was 20 years ago, and it's still embarrassing.

Have you ever been in a relationship with a crazy? My ex wife, a Special Education teacher, informed me on our second day of marriage that I'm emotionally retarded. I thanked her. She had something to teach me.

Why is June the marriage month? June is when people graduate from high school and college. They're on a high. The weather is good. Everything is in blossom and at a crest.

click to enlarge Phillip Bartos
  • Phillip Bartos

Phillip Bartos
Carpenter
Boulder

What's your best wedding disaster tale? My recent marriage was supposed to be an outdoor Native American ceremony, but it snowed six inches that day, so we had to move it to a church, which I really, really didn't want. C'est la vie.

Have you ever been in a relationship with a crazy? Lots of times. Crazies can be interesting. One girlfriend stalked me after I broke it off. She left threats on my voice mail and threw rocks at me in person. She was pretty psycho. Interesting, but psycho.

What's the weirdest wedding you know of? I know a couple who got married while parachuting. I know another who rode horseback from California to Walsenberg, Colorado on their honeymoon.

Why is June the marriage month? It's just traditional schmaltz.

click to enlarge Rich Harland
  • Rich Harland

Rich Harland
Owner of cleaning service
Manitou Springs

What's your best wedding disaster story? When my mother married for the second time, she didn't tell me for six months. By coincidence, they both have the same last name, so that gave no clue.

Do you know anyone romantically involved with a crazy? My friend married this girl who'd get furious over things that didn't even happen or things no one could control. She'd go into weeping hysterics if it rained during a picnic or if a glass of milk tipped over. It didn't last long.

What's the strangest wedding you know of? A couple of my friends got married in the middle of a Shakedown Street concert in Guffey. The band stopped for the ceremony and restarted as soon as he kissed the bride. Why is June the marriage month? I had no idea it was.

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