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Ken Cleaver 

Consumer Correspondent

July 10, 2003

Freethinkers of Colorado Springs
P.O. Box 62946
Colorado Springs, CO 80962-2946

Dear Freethinkers:

I'm currently researching a role for a theater production that I think you might be able to help me with.

My character is a pedantic intellectual dilettante whose passion for ideas is matched only by his impulse toward self-congratulation.

He's the type of guy whose discursive ramblings never progressed beyond those heard at 2 a.m. in any college dorm room. But through sheer force of will and the cultural void that surrounds him, he assembles a like-minded coterie -- sort of like the Algonquin Roundtable without the wit and profundity.

I figure you know this type well. My questions are as follows:

Is it a foregone conclusion that this individual's sexual energy will manifest itself in poor fashion decisions?

Is it safe to assume that he's on a first-name basis with every used bookstore owner in the tri-state area?

I figure that at any given moment he has no less than five distinct Internet identities and that despite his Kill Your Television bumper sticker, devotes three hours a day to science fiction chat rooms and discussion lists. (I won't even get into the amateur porn.)

I defer to your expertise on these questions and know your response will help me flesh out my performance.

Sincerely,

Kenneth Cleaver

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