Leading Edge Marketing Inc.
2414 4th Avenue
Greeley, CO 80631
Dear Leading Edge:
I am a frequent recipient of your unsolicited e-mails bearing the subject heading Shocking News: Enlarge Your Penis Safely.
By virtue of their frequency, I can't say I'm shocked. Though your messages give me pause to wonder: In an age in which our government aspires to achieve Total Information Awareness on every citizen, have you achieved Total Penile Awareness?
I'm going to assume that I've been targeted due to my own lack. While it's true that I'm not porn star material, I am quite comfortable with the cards I've been dealt.
But since you prey on male insecurity, I'm hoping you might have a product for a more elusive demon. I call it AAD: Ambition-Ability Disequilibrium, a form of cognitive dissonance caused by the recognition that one's talents fall short of their aspirations.
Perhaps some form of non-FDA sanctioned herbal remedy similar to those used to elongate penises will work.
Please let me know; I need to make peace with my mediocrity ASAP.