Attn: Customer Service
2525 Dupont Dr.
Irvine, CA 92623
I'm not breaking any news by stating that American women have curious relationships with their bodies and questionable rules regarding their grooming. While a 15-hour-a-week health club habit invites little peer scrutiny, chemical injections administered to the face illicit ridicule from various self-appointed arbiters of graceful aging.
I've never used Botox because like most men, I'm far too preoccupied with hair loss, erectile dysfunction and Sports Center. But that doesn't mean I don't appreciate the efforts of Botox users.
There's something fantastically erotic about the prospect of a woman whose appearance indicates nothing about her age. She could be young enough to be your sister or old enough to be your mother -- in either case you can be sure she's legal.
Our culture is infatuated with bubbling nymphets and Ashton Kutcher boy toys, but what of the latter-day Mrs. Robinsons whose dating market value has appreciated tenfold all because of Botox?
I wish to conclude by stating how much I appreciate the benefits your product has bestowed on questionable men like me. If I were a musician, I'd dedicate a soulful dirge to my many Botox mamas, but since I'm merely a thoughtful slut, this note will have to do.