Mr. Marc Bell
Co-CEO, Penthouse Media
2 Penn Plaza, Ste. 1125
New York, NY 10121
Dear Mr. Bell,
When I heard Penthouse was becoming a soft-core magazine, I was really sad. Less for me than for the children. How, I asked, will thousands of young men get from the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue to such esteemed organs as Orgasm? What noble publication will bridge this journey of a thousand onanisms?
Then I remembered: the Internet! Duh.
In thinking through your vanillazation, I realized something you'll find helpful. Flipping through what's now your competition, the so-called lad mags, I discovered that 20 pages of Maxim could go by without a single thong! In FHM, I went 16 pages without cleavage.
You must exploit this.
But I'm not really sure why I'm giving you advice. After all, you're breaking my heart.
In an article in Advertising Age magazine, you're quoted as follows: Talk to any man between 18 and 99, and they know exactly what Penthouse means.
Exactly! And you're not going to show it anymore. So I'll have to look elsewhere to find the female form shot in the style normally reserved for Duncan Hines cakes and high-end furniture catalogues.
I don't suppose you'll feel sorry for me?