E. 1627 Dalton Way
Spokane, WA 99207
Mr. Kenneth H. Cleaver
P.O. Box 1034
Colorado Springs, CO 80901
Dear Mr. Cleaver:
I have been a faithful reader of your column for a long time now. I can tell by some of the letters you have written to various companies that you have a sick and twisted sense of humor. I also have the same sense of humor. This is a great trait to have for your line of work.
I am writing because I feel I have the qualities to become successful in your line of work and ask you for a little assistance.
1) Could you send me some info on how to get started in your line of work.
2) Even better ... I would love to meet you in person! But am a little low on funds. You could make a dream come true by being kind enough to send me (2) round trip bus tickets to Colorado Springs to meet you. A room for a couple of days would also help my mission.
3) If you are unable to fulfill either #1 or #2 would you be so kind as to send me $20 (in cash) so I can drown my sorrows with a case of beer and a pack of smokes. NO checks or M.O. please. Cash cuts down on the time it would take to get the beer.
4) If #'s 1, 2 or 3 are unacceptable please send me a 37-cent stamp. As I stated earlier I am going through some money woes and had to borrow 37 cents from a friend to send this letter.
Thank you for your time and consideration in this matter.