The editorial writers over at The Gazette are on a roll, and as usual, their logic is enough to leave thinking readers with a migraine bad enough to send us fleeing into a dark, cool cave, where we would no doubt find those same editorialists spewing their gibberish.
With G. W. (that's Global Warming) Bush in office, there can be no escape.
On Monday, the city's daily newspaper delivered gushing praise for Interior Secretary Gale Norton for following boss Bush's edict to potentially open national monuments to oil drilling, logging, grazing and other harmless fun. "Norton is on the right track," crowed the editorial. "She intends to ensure the lands are put to their best use."
The paper then took a swipe at those pesky environmentalists who have the audacity to believe that oil drilling and mining in the nation's designated national monuments would actually be "detrimental to the beauty of these areas."
Gee, who can deny that a massive oil drilling operation in, say, Alaska's caribou-rich Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, will be a moving, stunningly beautiful and awe-inspiring sight to behold? And so compatible with the surroundings!
Those wise sages in the cave simply can't imagine.
And they followed up on Tuesday with a global warming-denial editorial that was equally oppressive. According to The Gazette, not only does global warming not exist, folks, but the majority of you, the rest of the world -- and yes, real scientists -- are wrong to believe that man-made gasses are wreaking havoc on our planet. According to them, everybody is wrong, wrong, wrong.
The editorial was accompanied by a Chuck Asay cartoon making fun of Europeans who take the threat of global warming seriously.
Specifically, The Gazette is annoyed at our own countrymen and countrywomen because a recent Time-CNN poll found that two-thirds of Americans believe Bush should develop a plan to reduce the emission of gasses like carbon dioxide that have been blamed for causing global temperature increases.
Bush, himself not convinced of the reality or threat of global warming (after all, when his globe gets hot, he just takes of his 10-gallon hat and gets Laura to fetch him a cool glass of lemonade -- problem solved!) recently pulled the United States out of the international Kyoto Protocol on emissions. Now, the United States may be the biggest perpetrator of gas emissions in the world. But hey, why should we want to open up discussions with a bunch of foreigners who are all, pardon the pun, heated up about this non-problem?
No reason 'tall. The Gazette believes the "unsuspecting" people who were polled were "pestered" and "manipulated" into believing that global warming is a problem. Incredibly, the daily gave credit to Americans for being educated and resourceful. But when it comes to such arcane concepts at global warming, it's best to leave it to the experts in the cave.
"Our concern is that by pretending to take the public so seriously on matters that, rightly or wrongly, really don't interest that same public all that much, the pollsters, along with the media that hype their findings, are insulting the nation's intelligence," The Gazette opined.
In other words, the American public is much stupider than that.
God help us all.
Speaking of head-scratching, who can forget Bush's all-too-frequent garbling of the English language before a sympathetic Supreme Court appointed Dubya leader of the free world? For one, the Gazette. For two, much of the rest of the nation's major media, which has, since Bush got the job, downplayed the president's routine Bushisms.
But this week, we got a chuckle at a mass e-mail effort to remind us how the leader of the free world talks. The widely circulated poem is a compilation of actual George W. Bush quotes whose author is identified as Washington Post writer Richard Thompson. Titled "Make the Pie Higher," it's good for a laugh. Hey, with all this hype about global warming we could use some comic relief.
I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen and uncertainty
and potential mental losses.
Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the internet
become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?
They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.
I know that human beings
and the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation finds hope,
where our wings take dream.
Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Make the pie higher! Make the pie higher!