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Anyone, at this point, with the sheer ignorance and audacity to even question the intensity of the Colorado Springs punk scene should do themselves a favor and get out to one of the two upcoming locally produced punk rock blowouts.

Firstly, tickets for Zombie Party 4, the annual gala of gore-core galore (and more!), are selling out faster than one of those new bullshit super-zombies. (Zombies are supposed to be slow, people ... they're DEAD!) Anyways, this year's party will, as always, be hosted by Colorado Springs' very own Stab Crew, and will feature bands from all over the great state of Colorado: Arach Attack (CS), the A-OKs (Denver), Murder Hat (CS), Ideal Citizens (Colorado City), 3 Grams Over an Ounce (Brighton), the Bowlers (Weld County), Ska Skank Redemption (San Diego, bwah?), Bleached (Pueblo), 99 Bottles (CS), Blighter (CS), Mike Morris Band (CS) and many possible others as the outbreak continues to spread.

Also slated for the living undead's entertainment will be a "best zombies win" costume contest, and the return of "Blood and Guts" wrestling! Ground zero is Saturday, July 17, starting at 2 p.m. (and continuing until all the brains are eaten!) at the new, yet-to-be-named venue at 3933 Hub Circle, near Academy Boulevard and San Miguel Street. Advance tickets are $5 from the bands, or $8 at the door, if available. (More info at http://bit.ly/ayEuyv.) And don't you try coming dressed in your civvies, either — zombie attire IS required to gain entry.

Just be sure to drive extra carefully, so as not to confuse the paramedics if you get into a car crash, like last weekend in Portland, Ore. ("We're glad that everyone is alive, despite being 'undead,'" Sgt. Greg Stewart told KGW-TV.)

Secondly, let's say you're still into the whole "punk rock" thing, right? But, for one reason or another — job, spouse, kids, what-have-you ­— getting slathered up in corn syrup and red food dye No. 40 in order to squirm around with a bunch of hopped-up pseudo-zombies just ain't your particular bag. (It beats the hell out of vampires, if you ask me.) Clearly, the Front Range Punk Fest, at the very same unnamed location, the following Saturday, July 24, will appear more appealing to your grown-up sensibilities.

Featuring a few repeat performances from the weekend previous, the FRPF will showcase the many sordid talents of even more Colorado punk rock bands, this time including the Nobodys, Asbestos Tampons, OneFiftyOne, the Sarcastic Bastards, Murder Hat, Ideal Citizens, Bleached, Stab Crew and a band that has rather unashamedly and unexpectedly stolen the crown for the most intensely vile, crude, distasteful and therefore hilarious, local band name ever ... Tater Twat. Pound for pound the punkest punk rock posse to mount up on the Front Range for quite some time. Tickets are available from the bands, at the door, or by calling or texting 719/282-5688.

Lastly, my alter ego — DJ Muggy Lovins — will be making a special appearance at a charity tattoo contest and fundraiser at Spanky's Grill (445 E. Cheyenne Mountain Blvd.) from 8 p.m. to midnight on Saturday. Proceeds will go to help the Rocky Mountain Riot, Colorado Springs' first and only co-ed roller derby league, build Colorado's first and only banked roller derby track (at least since the 1970s)! For more information on this rapidly growing sport, visit rockymountainriot.com.

Smell you later.

Send your news, pics and brains to adam@csindy.com.

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