There are millions of bands out there. And with them, millions of band names. Some intellectually stimulating, some bland and some ... well, some of them are pretty funny.
Take, for instance, the Kingston, Ontario-based thrash metal band, I Hate Sally. Funny name? Indeed. Once news of I Hate Sally's June 9 Black Sheep gig made it to our offices, the band's name quickly turned into a running joke.
No, Sally Piette, one of our esteemed graphic designers, wasn't too offended. But she did want to find out more about the band that was taking her name to task.
So we mic'ed her up and let her go to town on I Hate Sally's lead singer, Dee Prescott.
Here's what transpired:
Sally: So, my name is Sally.
DP: Oh ...
Sally: Why do you hate me so much?
DP: I don't know. Because I wanted to bother you and call you three minutes early and make it a big pain [Editor's note: Prescott called our offices at 12:57 p.m. three minutes before Sally was supposed to interview her. Apparently, it completely flustered our correspondent.] It's a silly name that started a long time ago, when the band was just a punk band four or five years ago. It was actually Sally Jessy Raphael, 'cause where the guys live they had one station, and it just played Sally all the time. And I was like, "Man, I hate Sally.' And then it kinda stuck. We thought about changing it a couple times, but you can't top I Hate Sally.
Sally (offended): I'm sorry. Say that one more time.
DP: You can't really top I Hate Sally 'cause, I don't know, we are not, like, serious people. I think it would be weird if we had a name like "Dagger" or something tough, and then feel all goofy about it. So we just decided to keep the goofy name.
Sally (checking her notes for her next question): What other things do you guys hate?
DP: Hate? I don't really hate too much. We are kinda too nice to hate. But I really hate when you stay at a hotel and there is blood in the bathtub I hate that. Or blood on the towels or the sheets or something. I hate that. But I don't hate any people.
Sally (unsure of what to say): That's fantastic. So I listened to some of your music and I can't understand anything you are saying.
DP: I'm practicing with marbles in my mouth. It's a new technique that I hope will catch on.
Sally: It sounds great! But what are you guys singing about?
DP: I don't know, just life. Just about life in general. I kinda wrote the lyrics for this record. I had this crazy fever for a few days, and that's when it kind of all came out. And, I don't know, I just thought of weird things like how everything is all messed up, but it's kinda cool that everyone just trudges through it.
So the lyrics are just open to interpretation of what someone else wants to take from it. 'Cause I hate when there are songs that are like directly about driving your BMW down the street or something and it's just like, straight up, that's what this is about. But I like when I can listen to a record myself and be like, "OK, this is what this means to me." And it might not mean that to the writer and it might mean something different to my friends, but I'm just saying it's great because you can embrace it personally. That's what I hope everyone else can get from our records.
Sally: Wow, I love that! So what are your live shows like? Cause you're gonna be in the Springs on the ninth of June, and I'm thinking about coming to see you guys.
DP: I think you better come see us.
Sally: I think I should. So what's your show like?
DP: It's a lot of sitting down and music-style-type stuff. I don't know. I think we all have like ADD secretly and it all starts to come out when we start playing or something. I don't even think when we play. It's weird I saw some kid took some footage on a phone the other day. He showed me and I was like, "Wow, we are going all crazy!" That's kinda weird. But, I don't know, it's fun.
Sally: Are you dancing around and spinning a lot?
DP: Yeah, I love to dance, so it's kinda funny that I am up there dancing around, and it's, like, all this heavy music. But it's fun, and I think that's why kids can be like, "This is cool music, but it's silly.' But it's a lot of fun.
Sally (proving once and for all that she's an easy sell): Wow, you've convinced me!
DP: Cool. You'll be on the guest list under "I Hate Sally."
Sally (just realizing the interview isn't over): I think there are two more serious questions I need to ask you. Maybe not so serious. What other band names were you thinking of besides "I Hate Sally"?
DP: For a while, like before this record came out, we kinda made up a lineup [of] stuff like that, and one of the names we had was "Palamino."
DP: Yeah, like a racing horse or something, 'cause we thought that was kinda silly to be called Palamino. And one of our old drummers wanted to be called Robe's Gallery, but we were like, "Dude that's, like, fuckin' arty!' We joked around. Mark, the guitarist in our band, he's super into old-school wrestling, [and] he thought Turnbuckle would be kinda good.
Sally: Like old-school wrestling uniforms? Or just ...
DP: Oh, just everything. He has everything. I think there's like an 8-inch rubber figurine. He has all those in the ring and stuff. It's really weird all the crotches are all rubbed off. But I didn't tell you that it's totally on the record, but I didn't tell you that.
We were just kinda, like, it's hard to just change your name, and it's weird because a lot of people will come up to me after shows and be like, "I thought you guys were a pop/punk band but you guys are far from that." And I'm like, "Cool."
I think with a weird, silly name, people can sometimes be intrigued. But it can also go the other way. 'Cause someone could be like, "The name sounds like shit. I'm not gonna go see them." But I don't know. I'm just glad we are not called Robe's Gallery.
Sally: Yeah, me too.
DP: Thank you.
Sally (fumbling through her notes): Let's see, what else do I wanna ask you. OK, what can I do for you not to hate me?
DP: We like cookies.
Sally: You like cookies? [Editor's note: Apparently, Sally said this in a tone that implied she'll bring some cookies to the concert. ]
DP: Yeah! We would say that We Love Sally! Oh, wow, dude, I so have to give you a shirt when you come! We have this shirt and it has this sick heart on it. And it says, "I Hate Sally is for haters." And you could rock that at the show!
Sally: And I could wear it all week!
DP: Yeah, we could give you a different color and stuff, too! With days of the week on the back! For us not to hate you ... basically, if you bring us cookies and cigarettes, we are gonna love you.
Sally: What kind of cigarettes do you like?
DP: We like the dirty-cheap kind, like Mustangs and Checkers.
Sally: I don't even know what those brands are.
DP: In Canada, they have these awesome shitty cigs called Legends. I feel like a legend when I smoke one.
Sally: And what kind do you guys smoke? Like, I'm guessing you're a regular [cigarette type of person], maybe 100.
DP: I don't know, I just bum cigarettes off people 'cause I quit smoking. But I bought a pack of Marlboro Lights the other day, and they were pretty tasty.
Sally: That's pretty high-class.
DP: There's these ones I don't know if they have them in California [Editor's note: It's Colorado, Dee, but whatever. ] but in Texas, they have these ones called "Sport" and they came in 100 and they are these huge cigarettes. It was totally like a sport when you smoked one, 'cause it took so long and you were so winded at the end of it.
Sally: That's hilarious. So I'm gonna come see you guys Saturday. Don't forget about me.
DP: You'll be on the guest list. You'll seriously be on the guest list as "I Hate Sally."
Sally: And what should I wear? Should I wear like a pink dress or should I wear something hardcore and ripped or ...?
DP: No, most of the kids at the show now are wearing prom dresses. Like it's a formal occasion. So yeah, wear your best-dressed.
Sally: Don't even fuck with me.
DP: As long as you tie a bandana around your waist or add a studded belt, you'll fit right in.
Sally: OK, maybe some chains and my Dr. Martins?
DP: And add some big ugly bracelets, too. Like those gauntlet ones that go from your wrist to your elbow, and wear one on your leg.
Sally: And what's your favorite cookie?
DP: My favorite cookie is chocolate chip.
Sally (losing any sense of professionalism): Awesome! I am so excited to see you guys!
DP: I'm so excited to meet you now, and hook you up with these shirts. And we used to have underwear, too, but we don't have any more. I wore the last pair yesterday. But if you want, I can give them to you. You can hang them on the rearview mirror of your car.
Sally: But make sure you don't wash them!
DP: No, we don't wash anything dude. We are on tour.
Sally: Oh good. That way the crotch is all hard ...
DP: Yeah, crusted out.
[End of interview.]