Liberal activist turned councilman Richard Skorman is still missing after being abducted by aliens. In this exclusive report, the Indy reveals how the being filling the pizza-baron's seat at City Council is in fact a replicant from the planet Mars.
Those who know the man say he's actually in a deep freeze at the top secret Air Force test range in Nevada known only as Area 51.
There, members of the now-defunct Tesla Museum are working with top national security officials in a feverish attempt to isolate what they call "the recessive liberal" gene, according to anonymous sources.
That gene, scientists say, is what makes some humans favor open space, while others, who lack the gene, prefer pavement, concrete and strip malls.
Skorman's brain genetics are critical, military sources say, because is allows them to study the gene sequence of someone who recently cut his ponytail and started wearing suits in order to fit in with those who lack the gene.
"Once we understand Skorman's brain, the world will be ours," said Dr. Mori Bund, who's heading the top-secret Area 51 experiment.