They say the best cure for a hangover is greasy food: cheeseburgers, pizza, fried cheese fried anything. What's the science behind this artery-clogging folk medicine? I have no idea, but it works.
Kelly O'Brian's Sports Bar & Grill
239 N. Academy Blvd., 573-1976
Weeknights from 4 to 7, fill your tummy with 35-cent wings, cheese sticks and poppers and wash those greasy puppies down with two-for-one wells, wines and drafts.
311 N. Tejon St., 228-6566
Daily from 4 to 7, mow down for under $5: Frito-chili pie, or a choice of two hot dogs or a cheeseburger with chips. Got an extra $5? Pitchers are only $4.25.
230 Point of the Pines Drive, 598-8990, thesunbird.com
In a Neil Gaiman story called "Sunbird," an epicurean society travels abroad to eat a phoenix. They all die. It's a much happier story in Colorado Springs: From 4 to 7 p.m., get $2 off wells, margaritas, wines and domestic drafts and free hors d'oeuvres. Might want to stay away from any poultry, though.
Early bird gets ...
Your job sucks, your boss is a jerk and home is no sanctuary, either. There's a sink full of dishes that's starting to smell and the litter box is so bad the cat taught itself to use the toilet. This would be good if he didn't always miss. You're pretty sure he does it on purpose. Admit it, your life is the reason somebody invented happy hour. Now stop crying and let's get a buzz on.
Benny's Restaurant & Lounge
517 W. Colorado Ave., 634-9309
Take a pit stop before heading home. From 5 to 6 p.m., Monday through Friday, get $1.50 wines, wells and domestic pints and 20 percent off all appetizers from the Home Plate Grill.
4856 Galley Road, 596-7256
Visit the Caddy Shack all day Monday or between 4 and 8 p.m. Tuesday through Friday and you'll have $1 drafts and $2.75 wines and wells. And you'll like it.
Overtime Sports Bar & Grill
2809 Dublin Blvd., 531-6032, otsportsbarandgrill.com
One is good, two is better. From 3 to 7 p.m. weekdays (and 3 to 9 on Thursdays), get two-for-one wines, wells and drafts.
Shoot 'em up
I don't drink to forget, I drink to remember. I drink to remember how to dance, and to remember what a good singer I am. I drink to remember how much I love doing body shots with frat guys so hairy and pregnant with beer babies they could double for overweight chimpanzees. Their behavior also reflects this. And so will yours after you take a shot. Pound it. Now scream "Woo!" really loud.
6480 N. Academy Blvd., 598-3004
One near-penniless night, I asked a bartender what I could get for $1. He gave me a shot. I told my friends how cheap it was and they started ordering rounds. One-dollar shots proved a bad idea the next day, but that night they were great. Every night, Erin Inn has a special $1 shot. Toast to your impending hangover.
520 S. Tejon St., 633-3300, mccabestavern.com
If shots of whiskey with water chasers aren't your thing, fear not. McCabe's has cheap, yummy shots throughout the week, including $4 Washington apples on Tuesdays and $3 kamikazes on Sundays.
Indigo Joe's Sports Pub & Restaurant
6120 Barnes Road, 302-0969, indigojoes.com
From 3 to 6 p.m. and 9 p.m. to close weeknights, Indigo's offers $2 bartender choice shots. If Satan is working and he's only making prairie fires and cement mixers, for $4 you can sink vodka bombs and car bombs instead.
Some nights, one isn't going to cut it. Three isn't, either. These are pitcher nights. And as the barkeep fills that plastic jug full of your favorite brew, suddenly every little rotten thing about life seems like it's going to be OK. You haven't been handed beer, you've been handed promise. Promise of a better day, promise of greater hope. Who needs beautiful girls? Look at all that beer! (Guess the movie I ripped off and win a beer! No, not really.)
4630 Austin Bluffs Pkwy., 531-9398, fabulous-tnts.com
I thought $11.75 was pretty expensive for a pitcher, but I've been told it's an amazing deal for a strip club. You can get them from 2 to 7 p.m., Monday through Friday.
Triple Nickel Tavern
26 S. Wahsatch Ave., 477-9555, myspace.com/555nickel
Who said anything about "good beer"? Triple Nickel serves $5.50 pitchers of PBR all day, every day.
Thunder & Buttons II
2415 W. Colorado Ave., 447-9888, thunderandbuttons.com
Wednesday nights during karaoke, pay a small cover ($3 for girls, $6 for boys) and get 25-cent pitchers of PBR. After only $1, you'll be singing Journey topless.
430 S. Circle Drive, 473-3900
Wednesday's also the best night to visit this fantastically named bar. Doors open at 7:30, and a $2 cover charge kicks in at 10 p.m. So be early and apply your savings to $2 pitchers or four Coronas for $10. Oh, and there are free pool tables.