Dear Mexican: I'm a white, college-educated, liberal, Democrat, socialist, U.S. citizen. I don't have any problem with Mexicans coming here to get a good job. In fact, I don't see the "problem." From your perspective, why are Republicans and redneck dickheads so into building that big fence on the border? I guess what I mean is: If there are so many "illegal" Mexican immigrants in the U.S., what is stopping them from becoming "legal?" Is it really a question of attaining citizenship, or is it just plain ol' ignant racism?
— Taco Lover in Houston
Dear Gabacho: Gracias for writing in, Bernie Sanders! Love ya, but I don't think you stand a chance against that pendeja Hillary — but good for you for pushing her into Aztlanista territory. As for the preguntas: Republican dickheads want to build a wall because it's the simplest "solution" to the immigration "problem" and is symptomatic of how out-of-touch they are with America's raza reality. They obviously don't know that if we do build a 100-foot-tall wall tomorrow on the U.S.-Mexico frontera, some chilango from Tepito will build a 101-foot ladder the following day and the slide that goes with it, while a culichi will construct a tunnel underneath it that would rival the Lincoln Túnel. And it's those same Republican cagaleches who are stopping undocumented folks from becoming legal by failing to work with Democrats on a good amnesty program. Hey, I get it: The GOP knows that once we get the vote — and I know I said this last week, but it bears repeating — we'll make them as irrelevant as the payphone.
Dear Mexican: I'm writing you this because at a recent family dinner, one of my cousins was telling the family his opinion of the word "Mexican." He proceeded to say that the word is racist and degrading and everyone should refer to people from Mexico as "Cinnamon People" or "Cinnamons." He said this because in his opinion, most people from Mexico have a light tint or shade of red to their skin. So with this thought in mind, I asked my Mexican friends at school if "Mexican" is racist and degrading, and all but two just laughed at me. A few people have agreed with my cousin but still: I'm very confused. Is "Mexican" a racist word? I have seen countless people call someone a "Mexican" at school and get knocked out for it, but yet I can refer to my Mexican friends as anything I want (partly because I'm half-black and they can call me whatever they like). Should mainstream America start referring to the Mexican people as "Cinnamons"? Or is my cousin being ignorant/racist? Can you PLEASE help me understand this conundrum?
— Eager in Elizabethtown
Dear Young Mujer: "Cinnamons?" At least your cousin didn't suggest "wetbacks." He's not racist — one of the most romantic songs in the Spanish language is the bolero standard "Piel Canela," which translates as "Cinnamon Skin" and was immortalized by Eydie Gormé (yes, of lounge-lizards legend Steve and Eydie) with Trio Los Panchos. That said, calling someone a "Mexican" can be racist, mostly if the person being called that isn't a Mexican or if the person saying that pronounces it "Messkin" and has a deportation cannon next to them.
Dear Mexican: Is it true that Mexican use human excrement to ferment pulque?
— Mucho Grande Pendejo
Dear Gabacho: Nope. Is it true that gabachos would still drink it if it was? Damn straight!
Ask the Mexican at email@example.com. Be his fan on Facebook. Follow him on Twitter @gustavoarellano or follow him on Instagram @gustavo_arellano! If you're puzzled by some of the Mexican's lingo, head to the ¡Ask a Mexican! Glossary at bit.ly/1judthF. We've also found culturally astute definitions in the Urban Dictionary, urbandictionary.com.