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The Year in Review 

2002 -- Year in Haiku

Local

Terry Barton's stress
sets wildfire out of control
the whole world watches

hero of Hayman
Fred Finlay, big cojone
rising from ashes

Hayman kills all jobs
all Colorado Burning
welcome back Owens

Bill Owens promised
highway funds for everyone
T-Rex ate it all

Silicon Mountain
never-ending expansion!
Now you're on the dole

welcome to town, Ridge
national security
with no local jobs

Wayne Williams commish
Jim Bensberg, public servant
nobody watching

Ed Jones at a bar
drinking on taxpayers time
is new senator

adios Mullen
Makepeace was your only friend
her, and severance

Springs cops like spying
their bosses' ignorant bliss
hello, police state

Jim Null buys billboards
new pals, minority kids
elect him mayor

county jail, court blues
Dr. Evil strikes again
goodbye, Pikes Peak views

goodbye bus service
life in pokey will be good
no roads or bridges

public-health programs
are socialism, Tom says
what West Nile Virus?

vexed by arrogance
protesters show up, too late
where? election night

build build build build build
drought has burnt everything up
build build build build build

Cold rain on Dome Rock
Wet gravel, mountain flowers
The dead remembered

-- for Dusty Loo and George White

National

Bush is traveling
the USA hawking his
enronergy plan

soft money rivals
McConnell and McCain might
McChoke each other

new Bush antidrug
plan ignores most powerful
drug of all: money

Orrin Hatch blows his
top because the Democrats
wont pick Pickering

INS grants dead
terrorists the right to fly
in the afterlife

Tom Ridges color-
coded warning system was
designed by Barney!

cloned kitty Rainbow
means we can have Rin Tin Tin
all over again

Bush signs campaign bill
out of the spotlight to keep
from raising McCain

government is just
a self-perpetuating
cash-making machine

Faith-based bill passes
the House severing the tie
between chate & sturch

babies who breastfeed
turn out to have high IQs
just like their mothers

Bush is pilloried
by press asking about the
sale of Harken stock

everyone is
focused on Saddam because
Osama bin lost

Bush keeps his distance
from the press corps; no one can
even read his lips

"I love all of you
especially your wives,"
says Long Strom Thurmond

airline shoebomber
pleads guilty to pretending
to be Maxwell Smart

calling card left by
East Coast sniper shows him to
be a Tarot-ist

one senator speaks
out against Iraq attack
flipping Bush the Byrd

since folks can't afford
to send their kids to college
how about Iraq?

Bush's terror bill
will create the Mother of
all Bureaucracies

International

most of Europe goes
to the Euro leaving Brits
to finger their pounds

Arafat, Sharon
know: in the wild wild West Bank
its always high noon

Israel, slouching
toward Bethlehem, scratches
apocalypse itch

Nativity a
killing field; where are the wise

men when you need them?

the most compelling
reason to attack Iraq
is because it rhymes

even Britain is
against invasion leaving
Bush out on a limb

China doesnt want
its own to ogle Google
giving it the gong

Environment

energy task force
is comprised of GOPs
and their IOUs

Bush White House would like
the Endangered Species Act
to become extinct

if Bush can't get oil
out of Alaska then by
god he'll get timber

George Bush plan to thin
trees can't see the forests for
the logging profits

Bush streamlines process
by which he annihilates
the environment

with Bush against them
climate talks turn to preferred
best brand of sunblock

Business

Arthur Andersen
decides to switch business to
making confetti

the fact that Enron
didn't pay taxes makes me
choke on a pretzel

workers at Enron
screwed, discovering themselves
401K-Oed

on economic
issues Dick has become George
Bush's ball & chain

who would've thought that
the business pages would
read like a tabloid

poverty rises
in Land of Compassionate
Conservatism

no health insurance
in Land of Compassionate
Conservatism

Entertainment

new literary
award: the Pulitzer Prize
for Plagiarism

Rosie pulls out of
magazine biz and it turns
to ashes, ashes

Robert Blake accused
of murder; did Baretta
have a vendetta?

in space 'N Sync's Lance
Bass will not be able to
hear anyone scream

ABC will run
USA rerun; can you
spell desperation?

proposed CBS
Bill Clinton talkshow should be
called "Oral Office"

Memorials

Dave Thomas drives up
to the take-out window in
Never-never land

the star of "Beyond
the Fringe" and "Arthur" and "10"
is Dudley no Moore

actor Rod Steiger,
the illustrated man, is
erased from the earth

inventor of the
Breathalyzer takes his last
breath, testing oh-oh

William Warfield dies
at 82; that Old Man
River wins again

Johnny Unitas
dies at 69, enters
the final End Zone

appalling mishap:
Minnesota's Senator
Wellstone sinks like one

Richard Harris dies
of cancer and enters the
chamber of secrets

actor Jonathan
Harris played Dr. Smith and
is now lost in space

James Coburn suffers
the final affliction and
makes his great escape

  • 2002 -- Year in Haiku

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