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Treks Are for Kids 

Star Trek: Nemesis (PG-13)
Paramount Studios

Even if you've never seen the original '60s television series that spawned the multibillion dollar Star Trek franchise, Star Trek: Nemesis does a depressingly similar job of using clunky dialogue with stagy scenes that draw more attention to their tacky sets than to the supposed drama on hand.

Patrick Stewart dutifully carries the dramatic burden of the movie on his back as Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise. Stewart's acting ability is heads-and-shoulders above most of his co-actors, so it's at least entertaining to watch the Shakespearean performer flex his muscles around a cast of lightweights who've got problems finding their navels.

The greatest fascination, however, is just how much of the guffaw-inducing dialogue and action is unintentional. If cheesy science fiction packaged in the same wrapper it originally came in (but with far less nuance) is your bag, then you probably won't mind laughing at Star Trek: Nemesis like a kid watching Saturday morning cartoons.

Star Trek: Nemesis is a mildly entertaining science-fiction movie that ends up talking down to its audience from a soapbox that's about as big as its largest model spacecraft. As long as you go in with low expectations -- plan on laughing at actors wearing too much makeup and speaking lines of dialogue written on a third-grade reading level -- you won't be disappointed.

-- Cole Smithey

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