Monday, November 15, 2010

Closer to God

Posted By on Mon, Nov 15, 2010 at 5:10 PM


Men's Health magazine took a break from reporting on prostate robots and the sex long enough to look in a phone book and figure out that we here in the Springs are very, very churched.

"While it's true that Colorado, at 5,980 feet above sea level, is closer to heaven than even the Mile High City, we used a different set of numbers to divine our findings."

That sentence made no sense, right, but we get its point. We're closer to God here, by height. And we have a lot of churches, which is really no big secret. But like all great literature the gentleman's Cosmo likes to rank things in ways that no one really finds helpful, so here we are.

The top city for cavities? St. Louis.

The place where you're most likely to get divorced? Cheyenne.

The top 10 cities where Christians feel at home, knowing that they are in the vast majority?

1. Colorado Springs, CO
2. Greensboro, NC
3. Oklahoma City, OK
4. Wichita, KS
5. Indianapolis, IN
6. Jacksonville, FL
7. Portland, OR
8. Birmingham, AL
9. Charlotte, NC
10. Little Rock, AR

Are you surprised to see Portland in the mix? I am. I always pictured the Northwest as a soggy, godless wasteland. So, where do all the heathens live?

91. Miami, FL
92. Newark, NJ
93. Manchester, NH
94. Fargo, ND
95. Jersey City, NJ
96. Portland, ME
97. Hartford, CT
98. Boston, MA
99. Providence, RI
100. Burlington, VT

If this list is to be believed, there is a big-time God-to-bodega inverse relationship at work. What, God don't need to stop in for smokes and a forty on His way home from the bars?

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