Friday, July 8, 2011

Why drunks never learn

Posted By on Fri, Jul 8, 2011 at 3:01 PM

Look on the bright side: At least you didnt poop you pants.
  • Thirteen Of Clubs
  • Look on the bright side: At least you didn't poop you pants.

Remember that time when you blew chunks out of your nose all over that waitress?

Or the time you passed out in your underwear on the front lawn and all your friends drew on you in permanent marker?

Or maybe the time you woke up in a puddle of urine, courtesy of that "catch" you picked up the night before?

Yeah. You do. We all know you do. And we know you probably said it would never happen again. But it did, obviously.

So here's the question: Why? Why didn't you remember the screaming hangover, and the puddles of bodily fluid and the Clap the next time you went to get hammered?

Because you're a dumbass, that's why. Oh, and because your brain is plotting against you. According to MSNBC:

Scientifically speaking, the ability to later overrate happy drinking times is called “positive memory bias.” Meanwhile, the mind’s capacity to convince itself that boozy blunders were simply out of character — and will not become a pattern — is known as “cognitive dissonance.”

Doesn't that make you feel better? Here's more.

And if that's not enough to make you feel better about your s**tfaced ways, you definitely need to read THIS, the story of a schoolteacher who got drunk and then sprayed the cops down with her breast milk. Not making that up.

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