Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Coloradans love a man in and out of uniform

Posted By on Wed, Jan 28, 2015 at 2:14 PM

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It must be a weird time to be a police officer in America.

As a cop, you've never been safer on your job than right now, but there's never been a more lethal time to be on the other end of your gun. And you don't need to point to Michael Brown, or Tamir Rice, or Levar Jones to see it in action. Just two days ago the Denver Police Department shot and killed 17-year-old Jessica Hernandez. Signs created in protest included, "Cowards shoot girls."

Then there's all the noise about police wearing body cameras, in the hopes that both better evidence will be obtained and officers will possibly feel less inclined to do violence upon their suspects.

And most recently comes news that police are worried about the Waze mobile traffic app, which allows users to mark the presence of cops on a map, much like flashing your lights at other motorists. "Los Angeles Police Chief Charlie Beck complained in a letter to Google's chief executive on Dec. 30," wrote the Associated Press, "that Waze could be 'misused by those with criminal intent to endanger police officers and the community.'"

Well, we've got good news for our be-badged brethren: Shit may be cray, but at least there's a Coloradan out there hoping to do you. A quick spin through the various Missed Connections pages on Craigslist reveals plenty of folks with a penchant for the uniform. (It's a big country and we're a little schizo anyway.) 

One man in Denver writes, "I'd love to worship you. Pleasure you however I can. I'd love to rub you head to toe." Another in Arvada enjoyed his home visit: "You're a hot married dude- we chatted and you stopped by my house in your car and uniform. Lost your email but would to love to meet up again." A third northern Coloradan is hoping "to suck a hot daddy cop on the DL." Another guy just needs a uniformed hero "to keep my new years resolution."

Women are even less reserved in expressing their interest in a night stick and a pat down. "Just looking to see if there are any guys out there who want a badge bunny," writes one Littleton resident. "I've always had a thing for guys in uniform, but have never dated a cop or a firefighter, and would like to give it a shot."

"So, is it weird that that video of that cop in uniform pounding some girl on the hood of his car gets me SO horny just thinking about how fun that probably was...?" asks one Colorado Springsian. Another pines for an officer who pulled her over a year ago: "I know it's been a long time, but how hot would it be to wear that dress again, this time no panties, and let me repay you for your understanding that night??"

So take heart, defenders of the common good: Your killings of citizens may be causing an intense national backlash, but at least your loneliness is optional.

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