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Another dope (marijuana) review 

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Whether you get high once a year or once a day, 4/20 is an occasion. Now, what's your fancy? We suggest you give three strains a gander and see where they take you.

Lemon OG Kush

In an ideal world, or at least one where weed is straight-up, full stop legal and Attorney General Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III's little old man body is flayed like an animal carcass at a Watain concert, you would hand Lemon OG Kush out to every young person who sees through D.A.R.E. and has got to thinking about getting stoned.

A hybrid of Lemon Skunk and OG Kush, Lemon OG Kush proffers a high that begins where a night of drinking ends, with the imbiber heavy-lidded, a little bit sleepy, and fairly melancholy. Mind you, that's a great way to spend the night stoned and alone at home or with friends whether you're a pot veteran or n00b. Basically, its high escalates quickly and then slinks away gently over a few hours, leaving a kind of ambient buzz that may roll over into the next morning.

There is a fragment from Jean Cocteau's book Opium, both profound but also pretty stupid, that I kept thinking about while this well-loved, entry-level strain fogged my noggin: "The body thinks, the body dreams, the body becomes soft and flaky, the body flies. The smoker embalmed alive."

Strength: 7

Nose: Like you sprayed some stepped-on weed with Lysol

Euphoria: 8

Existential dread: 3

Freaking out when crazy person approaches you: 6

Drink pairing: Stone IPA

Music pairing: Thundercat, "Drunk"

Rating: 7

LSD

Unlike the preposterously titled strain, "Green Crack," this weed named after not-weed has a name that actually makes sense. Namely, smoking this very earthy strain leads to a feeling that's pretty close to the first 45 minutes or so after you've dropped acid, where everything's vibrating a touch and outlined by bright white light and you've got a whole lot of energy and optimism and you're far away, staring into the abyss or flying through a starfield or whatever the acid's gonna do to you. But, unlike actual LSD, this doesn't peak — its high hangs out in the trippy ramp-up stage for a few hours.

There is plenty of debate and discussion among smokers about whether LSD is different from Lemon Sour Diesel (or just Lemon Diesel) and it's possible that where you are, someone's calling Lemon Sour Diesel "LSD" and they mean Lemon Sour Diesel, but if you're getting the strain I'm talking about here, you'll know.

This stuff is dense, and honestly kind of turd-looking in the bag — incredibly unattractive nugs — but it jabs your body and your brain in a pretty specific way and whether you're writing or drawing or scheming or hey, watching Unsolved Mysteries on Amazon Prime, it'll make everything seem very profound and life full of possibilities. Highly recommended.

Strength: 8

Nose: Like an orange slice that you dropped in the dirt

Euphoria: 9

Existential dread: 4

Freaking out when crazy person approaches you: 4

Drink pairing: Peach-Pear Lacroix

Music pairing: ZZ Top, "Afterburner"

Rating: 9

Double Dream

Lots of people consider Double Dream an analogue to Green Crack because it also yields a buzzy, fast-paced high good for chatting and running around like a crazy person, though Double Dream is less predictable, mealier and just plain weirder — it's a little closer to actual crack than Green Crack, to be honest. Think of it as the weird creepy cousin to Green Crack or some crap.

Double Dream however, is another example of what I've decried as "weed maximalism," where strains are mixed, matched, and stacked almost incestuously, offering highs that might just hobble you and, at the least, feel untrustworthy. See, Double Dream is a cross between Blue Dream and Dream Star, which itself is a cross between Blue Dream and Stardawg — all of this is too close to Grateful Dead song titles for comfort to be honest. And the high is not unlike combining two things that don't make no sense together, kind of like, well, speaking of the Grateful Dead, their 1978 disco-fawnk-blooz album Shakedown Street. That album, like this weed, is very much an acquired taste, for sick fucks and diehards only.

Strength: 7

Nose: Blueberry frozen yogurt with sweaty beard hair in it

Euphoria: 7

Existential dread: 7

Freaking out when crazy person approaches you: 7

Drink pairing: Cranberry Juice mixed with cheap vodka — 40/60

Music pairing: Milk Music, "Mystics" (or, OK fine, Grateful Dead's "Shakedown Street")

Rating: 7

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