Even bad Reubens taste good 

Long Story Short

There's no bad way to eat a Reuben. There's barely a bad way to make one. Whether you're using Russian or Thousand Island, marble rye or pumpernickel, pastrami or corned beef, Swiss and sauerkraut or ... Swiss and sauerkraut, you're going to end up with a juicy mess that hugs your mouth.

Of course, there are people crazier about the specifics than I am, like Albert Burneko, writing on the website Deadspin a few months ago: "Now, while your oven is preheating, haul out a good-sized bowl and make Russian dressing in it. ... Go crazy with the horseradish here. Your completed Russian dressing should make you acutely fearful for your life, just like a real Russian person would; if it does not do that, you have not added enough horseradish yet.

"If you want to gussy up your Russian dressing with pimentos or chopped chives or a dash of hot sauce or whatever, go for it — but be careful, because too much gussying will leave you with Thousand Island dressing instead of Russian, and Reubens are not made with Thousand Island dressing, and we are making Reubens here and not some whole other goddamn sandwich."

By now, you likely know my stance that anything that even rhymes with the sandwich's name — I'll have a Schmeuben, please — is better than any alternative. So, I'll leave you now to the mercy of your salivary glands, and the meal's promise of good luck in the new year. Take heart: Lunchtime is coming.


Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Latest in Long Story Short

More by Bryce Crawford

All content © Copyright 2019, The Colorado Springs Independent

Website powered by Foundation