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Re: “Mixed blessings

Before I make my post, please let me allow me to describe a bit about myself.

I used to hate my own family members: my dad, my mom, even my handicapped brother and little sisters. I was also homosexual and sexually immoral with women, sleeping with every beautiful women I could get my greedy hands on. I was so bad with sex, that I literally could not go to sleep at night unless I had sexual intercourse with a woman, even if that woman was a complete stranger.

Now, just like a lot of people who end up in the kind of lifestyle I was in, I did not plan on growing up to be such a bad person that I would hate my own family and be a sex addict, sleeping with people I had just met on a regular basis, and turning to prostitutes each night just so I could get high enough on sex to be able to fall asleep. Most of all, I never imagined as a child that I would grow up to be someone that was so evil, that when I looked in the mirror, I was ashamed to look at myself, and I hated myself. I never imagined that I would hope on a regular basis that somehow I could muster enough courage to go through with committing suicide or that God would just kill me in my sleep so I could escape my life.

But unfortunately, like most people who end up in evil lifestyles, I was taught to hate as a young child by my father and by others in my life. I know now that he truly did not mean to teach me that, but because of his not being able to understand in his heart that Jesus loves him, he hated himself, and he transferred that hate to me. He choked me until I was unconscious when I was 7 years old. I watched him beat my mother. He destroyed a tv with a hammer as my mom, my little siblings, and I were watching it, and afterward, as he stared at us with violent rage in his eyes, I truly feared that he was about to start beating me and all of us to death with the hammer. Like most people who don't have a dad who loves them, I got in with the wrong group of guys in high school... basically a "gang" mentality. The abuse and hatred I suffered at the hands of those boys was horrible. I became to believe that I was worthless. I began to hate everyone, just as I had been hated on by so many people.

One day, Andrew Wommack was teaching on t.v. that the Bible was written by former men like Moses, the apostle Paul, King David, etc.... so "how could anyone think that God couldn't love them and use them, if God loved these murderers and even used them to write much of the Bible." He began to talk about how the Good News of the Gospel in the Bible is that God loves us unconditionally, no matter how bad a person we have been, even if we have been a murderer, and that the Bible being full of stories of God forgiving and using murderers proves that fact. He said something like, "how anyone could believe that they have to perform and do right for God to love them is beyond me, seeing how He has shown such love to such bad people."

After Andrew said that, something began changing in my heart. I began to realize that there was hope for me, despite the fact that I was such a horrible person that I would murder my own family members in my heart with my hatred. Before this time, I figured I would just die and go to hell someday, and never have a happy life...that I was just the most unlucky person on earth to have been brought into this world, lived the most horrible life, and then just have to die and go to hell because I knew I was not a good person. I knew that no matter how hard I tried to be good now, it could never erase my past and the things I had done, or the hate and violence that was in my heart. But now, after listening to this message by Andrew on t.v. that the Bible taught that God's love for me us unconditional, I began to seriously desire a relationship with Jesus, who Andrew said loved me unconditionally and would completely forgive me based on His grace, not based on my good works or performance. This was a breath of fresh air to me, and honestly gave me motivation to keep living instead of giving in to suicidal thoughts and just going ahead and ending my life. It gave me hope, which I am forever grateful to God for Andrew helping me to have. I remember also Andrew's testimony of how he first came to understand the grace of God...that God gave him a realization of how evil he personally was, but that God loved him unconditionally anyways and had forgiven him through Jesus and His sacrifice on the cross.

Since that time, God has done a similar work in my life to what God had done for Andrew... I saw how evil I was in the sight of my heavenly Father who loved me... It was not that God made me feel bad about myself, it was that He showed me that He is my loving Father, I could feel His love for me personally, despite the horrible person I was, all over me in the depths of my heart, and that holy love revealed to me in a very personal way how much of a sinner I was, and the horrible evil that was inside of me, that I would hate my own parents and family. I saw that it was only God's unconditional love and grace that He would love me, and because of such powerful love, I repented of my hatred and asked Him to forgive me, gratefully confessing what I sinner I truly was, because I was so grateful to let His love and grace come into my heart and wash me and forgive me of my hatred and sin.

I truly thought that there was no hope for me after I once again sinned with sex outside of marriage just a few days after the experience I just mentioned, and woke up the next day feeling more hopeless than I had ever felt. It was then that Jesus Christ came to me personally by the power of His Spirit and told me that He forgave me of what I had done, and not only that, but that He forgave me for all of the sexual sin I had ever done. He told me to fast and pray, which I am now doing, because I love Him and want to do whatever He tells me to do. Not only that, but another time in my life, about a year before all of this happened, a couple of nights after I had performed homosexual acts, Jesus came to me by the power of His Spirit (which is a Godly presence that feels like pure love) and reached His hand inside of me and healed me of homosexuality. Since that day, I have not been a homosexual! And I am so thankful for that! Also that day, He healed me of some of the worst pain of my life, which was losing my only friend, my best friend in the world, my brother Dylan, to mental illness when I was 14. And the truth is, at that time when Jesus healed me of homosexuality, I still hated God. I still hated my family, even my brother, and I still hated Jesus. Yet He did all of this for me.

So, now that you know who I am, I will make my comment on this article to the point:

Is Andrew Wommack perfect? No. But neither are YOU! No one is, except God. Do I feel that he may be a bit judgmental towards gays or other types of sinners at time? Yes. But, as a former gay, I would have rather had a man showing that he cared enough about me to tell me that what I was doing was wrong, and to try and help me (even if he wasn't helping that much because he wasn't loving enough and a bit judgmental), than to just let me keep destroying my life and not doing anything at all to try and help or speak up about it. It is the thought that counts, even if the person is not perfect in their helping.

Jesus said in the Bible in Mark 9:39-40 (KJ3 literal translation): "...there is no one who shall do a work of power in My name, yet be able to speak evil of Me quickly. For who is not against us is for us."

Andrew did a work of power in the name of Jesus when he spoke the word of God to me and gave me hope to keep living and not kill myself. To me, to give someone hope who is hopeless, and to help them believe that God can love them, is a greater work of power than raising someone from the dead. So according to Jesus, Andrew is for Him, even though Andrew is not perfect.

I think everyone on here coming against Andrew should be ashamed of what they are doing, because they are coming against someone who is for Jesus, and that means they are coming against Jesus.

Sometimes shame is a good thing, because it shows us that what we are doing is wrong, and we need a good change in our lives for the better. If I had never felt shame over being a homosexual, my sexual immorality, or hating my own family members, I think I would have been too prideful to let Jesus heal me of those horrible things that were destroying me from the inside out.

I hate that shame is always associated as a bad thing in or modern society... feeling Godly shame can help you to get your life turned around for the better!

86 likes, 9 dislikes
Posted by jmet on 10/19/2014 at 11:52 AM

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