Long Story Short 

A journalist walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get for ya?"

The journalist says, "The best story you've got."

About that time is when an awkward silence sets in between the two. The journalist grips his tape recorder, hopeful. The bartender tugs on his scruffy goatee, wary. Or maybe tells the journalist that he'll be right back, not returning for 15 minutes.

In the end, the bartender says something like, "I've got a million stories, I just can't think of one right now."

The journalist, feeling defeated, slinks off the bar stool and repeats the process at several other establishments. He makes numerous calls, seemingly always during a busy time. With persistence, he eventually harasses a couple stories from especially kind-hearted people. So do his colleagues. They all erupt into laughter in their quiet office space while transcribing horrible pick-up lines and tales laden with debauchery and stupidity.

Such is the much-less-funny tale behind compiling the feature story in our annual Drink issue.

We hope you enjoy the lowbrow yield of our efforts.


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