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Marijuana review: Blue Rhino 

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A zone-out-and-lie-down sort of weed that’ll make your joints hum a whole bunch and the holes around your eyeballs throb a little bit, Blue Rhino provides a steady, unwavering high and has a one-note stoned kind of thing going on. In contrast to some of the discordant weed strains I’ve dubbed “maximalist” such as OG Diesel, Blue Rhino feels like weed minimalism. Its high is all about the slight shifts in how it makes you feel, which seem important because most of the time this mix of Blueberry and White Rhino is proudly, and defiantly, not dynamic.

For me, this was minimalism of the doom metal sort (even the name Blue Rhino kind of invokes metal like Blue Cheer or Mastodon), heavy and agitated. And because Blue Rhino doesn’t encourage concentration, this can feel a bit like the flu coming on. Smoking some and watching a streaming movie on a night when my internet was particularly weak meant having to jump up to refresh or disconnect and reconnect so that sound and visuals wouldn’t fall out of sync. I felt bogged down and easily annoyed, and this minor inconvenience sent me into a simmering rage. That isn’t the weed’s fault, it’s mine, but there is something about the terror of monotony that this strain brings out if you’re not careful.

Other times though, it’s weed minimalism of the transcendent sort, like Philip Glass or a Zaytoven beat for Gucci Mane, where slight twists and turns mean all the more amid a sea of sameness. If you can give in to Blue Rhino’s tedium and let the world happen around you, you’ll do really well. Then, it offers these fascinating bursts of clarity, like brief moments where you suddenly don’t feel high at all — muddy glimpses of cogency usually common when you do unforgiving dissociatives. The effect is a bit like this early lesson on relativism I had as a kid when a teacher noted how the best feeling in your life would be the moment an elephant (or a rhino?) removes its foot from being on top of your foot.

This is weed whose power is in the moments where you’re not feeling high.

Strength: 9
Nose: Mud, but sweet
Euphoria: 9
Existential Dread: 9
Freaking Out When Crazy Person Approaches You: 4
Drink Pairing: Water — just something to keep your mouth from getting too dry
Music Pairing: Grief, “Miserably Ever After” or Gas, “Narkopop”
Rating: 7

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