Marijuana review: Green Crack 

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  • Baynard Woods
The person I smoke with most often has never been particularly picky. I do all the shopping. But when I recently gave this old friend some Green Crack, she was blown away. After a positively Joycean monologue on the city, rambling down numerous byways of speedy and exhilarated wonder, she said, “Get more of this.”

There’s something shitty about the moniker “Green Crack” — something so blatantly white and privileged.

Guaranteed: No one who ever knew anyone who actually smoked cocaine ever said of a cupcake, “It’s like crack.”

And this super sativa is not gonna make you start crawling around on the ground looking for imaginary chunks of it on the carpet. It does speed you up, just not in a bad, jittery — you know, cracky — way.

My buddy and I find it to be an extremely up and euphoric high, productive and instructive. But I’ve talked to a lot of people who won’t touch the stuff because it leaves them nervous and hyper, bouncing around the apartment, distracted and paranoid. Here’s my overall breakdown:

• Strength: 9
• Nose: citrus, the shadow under an old rusted pickup broke-
down amongst the pines, freshly cut alfalfa
• Euphoria: 8
• Existential dread: 9 (if you are susceptible)
• Freaking out when crazy person approaches you: 8
• Drink pairing: Session IPA
• Music pairing: Jason Isbell “Hope the High Road”
• Rating: 10


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