Olympe de Gouges 
Member since Nov 8, 2017

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Re: “One chronicle of street (and other sexual) harassment in Colorado Springs

I think what i find frustrating here is that it feels like this savior-fetish that a lot of men are feeling right now. It's like street harassment and workplace assault and all other abuse we endure is now a genre of pulp fiction that is always explicit, titillating, and then ends on a note of sanctimony. You say you're trying to understand- and I'm going to take you at your word, but if so, can we look together at where you need to work? First, like much pulp fiction, you have a weird fixation on her physicality here, whether you meant it that way or not. Sure, it provides a theme, but I'm 5'8" and I've been raped twice by age 39 and experience the exact same crap on the street despite being well past my prime as the standards go - as do my friends who both fit and don't fit the fantasies of the male sexual gaze of little and innocent (do you think you might be fixating on this as a factor as a result of your own gaze?). Do you think if I was a few inches taller I could've pushed him off me more easily? Sure, it can be true if you happen to have a visible identity that coincides with a porn category, you're extra screwed (pun intended) if you try to exist in public, but there's no shortage of dudes that literally harass every woman who walks by. Even old ugly hags like me. Second, stop it with the self-congratulatory humility here. You're probably feeling pretty great that you brought this to our attention... newsflash: women already know this. And guess what? So do men. You just don't know if we know that you know, so of course, you gotta publish your woke-ness so we know you're one of the special men, one of the good guys. Well, we know that too. Look, nobody thinks all men are rapists, or that you're all culpable on a personal level for the patriarchy and misogyny that creates rape culture. But we also know there is a lot of gray area that our good guy allies walk around in. And we can't tell you where you need to draw the line - because we aren't in those spaces, at least not the full us. If you really wanted to do something to stop and change all this, (here's my Third point) do this: Instead of a salacious description of all the dirty things we encounter on the street as reported by a definitely-not-turned-on-boyfriend-asserting-his-territorial-claim, give us an honest, vulnerable assessment of the ways YOU have failed us. Tell us that you're conflicted with (it's probably in your porn history) and the ways you worry you've failed us. Tell us what you think is unfair. Ask us what we want you know. Ask us to help you be better and share your failures and your remorse. Don't speak for us. Don't explain the shit we deal with to us or for us. Dont save us. Save yourself my friend. We been out here for years and we're working on saving our damn selves. You do that.

13 likes, 1 dislike
Posted by Olympe de Gouges on 11/08/2017 at 11:31 PM

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