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How to pass (for the holidays) 

Queer & There

click to enlarge PEYTON KAY DAVIS
  • Peyton Kay Davis

If I had a dollar for every time an older man in my family asked: "The barber have a stroke halfway through?" about my undercut, I would actually be able to afford health insurance. Creative dye jobs and shaved sides are a hard "no."

click to enlarge PEYTON KAY DAVIS
  • Peyton Kay Davis

You'll want to be a queermeleon and blend in. Try parting your undercut on the opposite side, or maybe just slicking it back, and consider some natural colors over the holiday. Remember, you want to make your family comfortable (even if you aren't).

click to enlarge PEYTON KAY DAVIS
  • Peyton Kay Davis

Your "Lesbian Separatism NOW!" shirt should sit this one out. Ditto to accessories. Most people find jewelry made from animal bones to be off-putting. If your herbalist/witch friend put a protection spell on it, just keep it in your purse.

click to enlarge PEYTON KAY DAVIS
  • Peyton Kay Davis

Dad sweaters and mom jeans will abound at any family function. Make sure your outfit covers up any visible tattoos — you don't want to have to explain to grandma what that Tegan and Sara lyric really means.

click to enlarge PEYTON KAY DAVIS
  • Peyton Kay Davis

Avoid any conversational topic that you actually have a vested interest in: marriage equality, adoption rights, trans rights, universal health care, or how any of those things might directly affect you and the important people in your life.

click to enlarge PEYTON KAY DAVIS
  • Peyton Kay Davis

Ask your co-workers for some topics of conversation that might help you pass: sports things, The View, Vin Diesel movies, Taylor Swift's career or mediocre casseroles. The grudging and conditional acceptance of your family will be worth it.

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