Strain review: Canna TSU x Timewreck 

click to enlarge “I really feel like I’m drowning here.” - BAYNARD WOODS
  • Baynard Woods
  • “I really feel like I’m drowning here.”

I’ve mentioned this before, but has there ever been a time in human history when a single plant has undergone such extensive hybridization in such a short period of time as weed after (relative) decriminalization? With animals, apparently 19th-century England went crazy with breeding dogs this way, and that’s why we have so many varieties. And maybe tulips or orchids at some point? The Incas and potatoes?

But now of course we have the horrible tragic irony that we are also in the midst of a great extinction, caused by us, where we are losing countless species of everything else, everything humans don’t take a particular fancy to, every year. And that, in turn, makes us want to smoke more weed.

I mean, you know how in writing or films from the 1950s, there’s always some line about the Bomb and fear of imminent annihilation? People in the future will say the same about us with the climate crisis, which seems to cast a pall of anxiety and helplessness over almost everyone except Donald Trump, and on the other end that little Swedish girl who skips school to protest all the time. Oh no, I forgot, future people won’t be able to say that about us because they won’t exist.

That dead end in thinking is the thing I’m talking about. You can’t really project forward very far without running into the realization that things cannot keep going on like this.

Sometimes weed helps, but sometimes, as seems to be the case with Canna TSU x Timewreck, it can send you into the spiral of psychic destruction. This particular strain has crazy complicated genetics, coming on the one side from Cannatonic and Sour Tsunami both of which have a high-ish CBD content, and on the other from Blood Wreck and Vortex, and suddenly I’m thinking about how a tsunami really does wreck time — this way our thoughts run into dead ends when it seems we have no future, it is a time wreck.

It also, part of my stoned brain wants to say, does not seem like a coincidence that we got sort of a look at a black hole recently. We are a black hole. We are sucking everything in and destroying it.

CBD can help chill the cerebral paranoia sometimes but it isn’t doing much with this super Sativa-y 25 percent THC content. I mean, I really feel like I’m drowning here, don’t you? Do you feel it, too? Is it just me? Am I too high? No, we really are drowning.

The buds are exquisite though, sumptuously coated with white crystals suggesting a new sort of symbiosis between plant and mineral kingdoms, perhaps providing a bit of hope: Maybe the mineral kingdom will survive and morph into ferns, the whole thing starting over. So we can evolve to this point again and make another million varieties of cannabis as we all destroy the world and die once more.

Strength: 9
Nose: Lemon tree being choked by diesel fumes
Euphoria: 1
Existential dread: 9
Freaking out when a crazy person approaches you: 1
Drink pairing: Cyanide
Music pairing: Swamp Dogg, “The World Beyond”
Rating: 8


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