Strain review: Kosher Tangie 

click to enlarge We rate “existential dread” weekly, but this weed inspires thoughts on G-d. - BRANDON SODERBERG
  • Brandon Soderberg
  • We rate “existential dread” weekly, but this weed inspires thoughts on G-d.

In 2017 outside of a Trump rally, I got blazoney stoned on a mystery joint handed to me by “weed Jesus” Alan Gordon of The Healing Church in Rhode Island (a church that uses cannabis in its religious rituals because they say “kineboisin,” mentioned in Exodus 30:23 in the Old Testament is Hebrew for cannabis). He didn’t have a name for the strain that sort of made my heart full and my eyes feel like they were being sucked out of my head like that scene in Total Recall, though he told me it was a kush hybrid from New England. Then Anne Armstrong, the Healing Church’s deaconess blew into a shofar, told me how cannabis cured her son’s depression and helped her lose weight. She said pot can bring everybody together and that she was pro-pot and not pro-Trump but then she went on a wild-eyed explanation of Pizzagate and got into an argument with an Urban Outfitted hipster hatemonger.

It was quite a day of reporting and a kind of spinning metaphor for the discourse in the Trump era, and also I am pretty sure, in retrospect, my first experience with Kosher Tangie — on account of Passover beginning on April 19 this year and rolling into 4/20, man, and ending later this week.

A hybrid of Kosher Kush (a blissy, lazy favorite) and Tangie (“characterized by a beautiful tangerine flavor and the zesty and voluble kick of fresh fruit in the morning,” as Baynard Woods said in a previous review), Kosher Tangie is an unsettling kugel of insight and anomic terror. The smell is mulch right when it’s dropped in your neighbor’s driveway with a follow-up note of sugary, tart earth and this attractive, very orange bud grinds into a puffy, peat moss texture that’s great for piling into rolling papers. Anxiety went away slowly, uneasily, like dust settling, which also meant anything could send me back in that direction, a tricky balancing act that enforced mindfulness.

When I calmed down, it was epiphany-like and Kosher Tangie got me thinking of this thing ecstatic Kabbalist Abraham Abulafia wrote almost seven centuries ago: “Imagine that a person stands before you and waits for you to talk with him and he is ready to answer you about everything that you will ask from him.” He’s talking about G-d (“the secret of the Ineffable Name”) pretty much and instructing you on how to get talking to G-d but I like that it is, generally, about possibility and potential, the exciting nag that would come with knowing you’re about to know everything about everything.

Kosher Tangie approximates that feeling for a furtive 30 minutes or so, not bad. But a different, more grounded review is probably also in order: “Thumbs up, great for dragons,” a friend, who smoked some watching the season premiere of Game of Thrones, told me.

Strength: 8
Nose: Dark chocolate-flavored PBR
Euphoria: 10
Existential dread: 6
Freaking out when a crazy person approaches you: 4
Drink pairing: Dr. Brown’s Cel-Ray Soda
Music pairing: Angel Bat Dawid’s The Oracle or Masada, Vol. 1: Alef
Rating: 9


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