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Strain review: Mendo Breath 

click to enlarge This somniferous strain promises a good night’s sleep — maybe too good. - BAYNARD WOODS
  • Baynard Woods
  • This somniferous strain promises a good night’s sleep — maybe too good.
Look, it’s 2019 and there is Trump and Twitter and everything seems to be on the verge of some catastrophic precipice or another all the time now and sleep is hard. And then there’s the capitalist hustle culture that tells us to be working all the time. So a good, sleepy weed can almost be an act of quiet subversion — it isn’t, mind you, for that you actually still have to get out into the street sometime, put something on the line for your fellow people. But it is like what they now call self-care, a concept that I have habitually sucked at grasping. But we could all use more sleep.

I often toke up late at night and try to bang out a first draft of one of these reviews and then come back after some subsequent fact-checking tokes and refine it in a more sober state of mind. But tonight, I won’t be able to knock out the first draft at all. In fact, I’ve been smoking this bud at night for a week or so now and, fortunately, I photographed it early on, because I am almost finished with it and I haven’t been able to bring myself to write about it at all. It is a greatly somniferous strain and I’m pleasantly yawning as I sit here typing, ready to sleep, crawling into the transitory comfort of warm sheets on a cold night.

Mendo Breath is one of the runtiest, ugliest and visually most unappealing strains I’ve seen in quite a dang while. If Grape-Nuts were actually little purple genetic graftings of grapes and nuts, they would look like Mendo Breath, with camo patches of purple and brown and barely a hint of green. Nor does the strain have a super strong smell — it’s kind of subtle, like vanilla-flavored almond milk. And it’s nearly tasteless, aside from the generic flavor of combustion. It is almost like some high-end version of what we used to call dirt weed. But don’t let any of that fool you, this full-bore Indica monster is possessed of a whang-dang-doodle of a high.

An offspring of OG Kushbreath and Mendo Montage, Mendo Breath is so relaxing ... that I’ll finish the draft in the morning.

But, as I adjusted the dose, and tried hitting it a bit earlier, I found that when it doesn’t put you to sleep, Mendo Breath still has a lot going for it.

Mendo Breath got me almost stereotypically stoned, talking like The Dude sipping on a White Russian at a bowling alley. I used to mock that shit, too, but couldn’t we all use a little chill in this torturous 21st century? I once interviewed newly indicted Trump adviser Roger Stone about weed — he is a fan and has a Nixon-shaped bong, as well as a tattoo of that disgraced former president on his back — and I bet he now wishes he’d engaged in some Mendo Breath in 2016 and just chilled the fuck out.

If you are dealing with insomnia, you might just want to quit looking at your phone before bed. But if you still can’t sleep, you could do a lot worse than a couple tokes of Mendo Breath.

Strength: 9
Nose: Grape-Nuts with vanilla almond milk
Euphoria: 8
Existential dread: 0
Freaking out when a crazy person approaches you: 0
Drink pairing: Hot toddy
Music pairing: “The Man in Me” by Bob Dylan
Rating: 9

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