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Strain review: Purple Crack X Blueberry X Mazar 

click to enlarge Something in this strain makes your eyes as dry as a Tatooine sunset. - BAYNARD WOODS
  • Baynard Woods
  • Something in this strain makes your eyes as dry as a Tatooine sunset.
All intoxicants eventually cost money and money comes down to business and business in the 21st century eventually comes down to branding, and pot marketers are always trying to differentiate their product from someone else’s.

The explosion in cannabis genetics that has occurred post-legalization(ish) has also resulted in an explosion of nomenclature as an ever-increasing number of farmers and dispensaries attempt to carve out their own niche.

And like the Weapons of Mass Destruction touted in David Simon’s The Wire, weed names will often play off of current events. Earlier this year, Medicine Man dispensary in Denver named a combo of Jet Fuel and Bio Diesel Jeff Sesh-ons after our weed-hating, race-baiting attorney general.

The name can fairly be counted as a dare — or the calling of the AG’s bluff to shut down state-sanctioned cannabis businesses in states that have gone against federal policy and legalized weed. But when it comes to taking offense at the unauthorized use of a name, business beats politics every day. There’s been a wide range of strains forced to change their names by larger, more established businesses whose products they were playing off of (I previously wrote about the travails of the erstwhile Gorilla Glue). But for a certain sort of stoner, Star Wars and smoking up go hand in hand, and so the renaming of all Star Wars-related strains, including Death Star, Yoda OG, Skywalker and Skywalker OG, has hit particularly hard. But surprisingly it is less Disney and Lucasfilm’s copyrighted material than the fact that the association with the popular movies could be seen as a way to lure children into the world of the Devil Weed, a 21st century Joe Camel.

So the already genetically murky strain of Purple Crack X Skywalker, becomes even more complicated as Purple Crack X Blueberry X Mazar. The effects of the strain are equally convoluted and wiggy. Purple Crack is a hybrid leaning heavily in the Sativa direction — as the “crack” designation insensitively indicates, speaking of ridiculous sobriquets — while the Skywalker is a deep-wash Indica (paired with the Mazar’s Indica dominance) that makes you feel like you’re sinking down somewhere in the steamy warmth of Yoda’s bog. So the combination is a little schizo, what my co-reviewer Brandon Soderberg refers to as weed maximalism, where too many phenotypes are crammed together for a coherent high. It’s not unpleasant, and has a simultaneously relaxed and uppy vibe that feels like your core is slumped down while little electric strings come off the epidermis, perking you up around the edges.

But watch out: There’s something in this strain that makes your eyes as dry as a Tatooine sunset.

Strength: 7
Nose: A shady patch of mint that a dog who rolled in dead stuff slept in on a hot day
Euphoria: 6
Existential dread: 2
Freaking out when a crazy person approaches you: 2
Drink pairing: Cold-brewed matcha tea
Music pairing: Nas, “Star Wars”
Rating: 6

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