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Sweet Tart gets you happy and silly 

click to enlarge BRANDON SODERBERG
  • Brandon Soderberg
More of an indica than a Sativa — the breakdown is about 50/50 though — Sweet Tart is a mix of the energizing chocolatey Sativa-dominant Purple Thai, the nostalgic and giddy Afghani, and ATF (or um, Alaskan Thunder Fuck). It’s one of those maddening, maximalist 50/50 Sativa/Indica mishmashes that confuses and overwhelms and fools a certain sort of smoker into thinking that’s special or singular when it’s really just a bleary, booze-like mess of a high that is exceptional only in its ability to mix tedium and terror.

With those genetics, you’d imagine Sweet Tart would be busy and hard to handle but it’s pretty polite and its high, a steady hand. Most things about it are manageable, safe. Its bubblegum taste offers muted sweetness that doesn’t have any citrus notes a lot of weed has (or the sugar rushing Airhead-esque flavor some fruity strains have) and as a result tastes and smells manufactured and controlled (which leads your tastebuds to think “bubblicious” instead of “grape” or something).
Sweet Tart really stings the throat on the inhale in a way that feels just unhealthy — the first hint that this quiet strain is going to hit you hard. The stocky high is almost immediate and its effects make you happy — as opposed to a more nuanced “euphoric” — and silly and a little invincible.
Only a special, weird sort of strain can disconnect you from words, where language seems to perpetually fail you, and that’s what Sweet Tart did to me. It sent me into my head, where I tried to figure out precisely what I was thinking and wanting to say. It was almost as if I was plotting, because it was careful and considered but not particularly probing.

I thought of that scene in the greatest movie of all time, 9 to 5, where Judy (Jane Fonda), Violet (Lily Tomlin) and Doralee (Dolly Parton) wind down after another awful day at work and smoke together and end up imagining different ways to murder their dumb dickhead of a boss — a “sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot” — and, well, that’s about as good as it gets, isn’t it? Fun and solidarity and some imagined (and oh hypothetical, of course) murderous class warfare over a joint. There is something to that scene in which pot enables praxis. And it is a mood that’s fitting, as a presidential debate last week resulted in a question about what each candidate thought about legalizing cannabis (which just seems ridiculous if you’re here in Colorado) and the only two who said they were opposed to it are the closest folks up there to Judy, Violet and Doralee’s “sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot” boss. The plotting, scheming women of 9 to 5 were smoking Maui Wowie — as Dolly announces — but Sweet Tart would also have gotten them to where they needed to get, I think.

Strength: 7
Euphoria: 8
Existential dread: 2
Freaking out when a crazy person approaches you: 2
Nose: Smarties
Music pairing: Loretta, Dolly, Tammy: Honky Tonk Angels (on cassette)
Drink pairing: Nothing
Rating: 7

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