Top five 

... reasons you may miss the rapture

1. That whole "mark of the beast" thing on your forehead.

2. Jesus might interpret your "If this van's a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'" sticker literally.

3. You misread the Rapture Index (the "Dow Jones Industrial Average of end-time activity") at raptureready.com, thinking that 181 was a good "prophetic speedometer" reading.

4. Couldn't be bothered to miss 50-cent wing night at Hooters.

5. Hey, if being left behind was good enough for Kirk Cameron, then it's good enough for me!

Says who? Indy calendars editor Matthew Schniper.


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