Predictions for the non-apocalyptic election

November 8 — three days after Guy Fawkes Day, eight days after Halloween, 29 days before Pearl Harbor Day. Will 11/8 become another Day of Infamy, a self-inflicted wound from which the country will never recover?

Talk to partisans of the left and right, and you'd think that we're on the verge of an American apocalypse.

So who's gonna make it? Who will wear the starry crown? Good Lord, show me the way!

Somehow, I doubt whether the Lord takes much interest in our quarrelsome elections. She's far too busy ignoring Sunday afternoon's prayers from legions of disappointed Bronco fans, who may (prediction No. 1!) suffer once more Thursday night at the hands of San Diego.

Hillary Clinton vs. Donald Trump. It sure looks as if Hurricane Donald, once projected to strike America as a Category Five storm, has lost its punch. The confident billionaire who toyed with his Republican rivals as if they were know-nothing stumblebums on his reality show has transmogrified into something else — alternate-universe Trump.

Instead of The Donald, Sunday debate watchers saw this strange, muttering creature as he prowled the stage, threatened to jail his opponent and threw out insults, misstatements and outright lies. At the end of the debate, Hillary and Bill worked the crowd while Trump exited stage left with his entourage.

Adding to the weirdness were four women in the audience who have long claimed that Bill and Hillary done them wrong back in the 1970s and 1980s. The Trump campaign tracked them down, flew them out and, I'd guess, slipped them a few bucks for their trouble.

Hillary was as poised, tough and unruffled as we all expect her to be. Even Trump noticed, saying at the end: "She never gives up."

Living in New York City in the '70s, I knew of Donald Trump. He was then, as he is now, a rich, entitled skirt-chasing lout, once memorably characterized in Spy Magazine as a "short-fingered vulgarian." He hasn't changed, as the Access Hollywood-Billy Bush tape vividly demonstrates.

Trump will lose. That's not in doubt, but will he take down the Republican party with him? As much as Democrats may yearn for such a Trumpocalypse, the Repubs aren't going anywhere. They'll be back, tanned, rested and ready — and they'll find a sane, attractive, competent candidate to go up against Hillary in 2020. Sen. Cory Gardner, anybody?

Closer to home, it looks as if Darryl Glenn's sputtering Senate campaign against Sen. Michael Bennet has been taken off life support. Responding Thursday to an inquiry from a media advertising salesperson, Kyle Fisk's WickedThink Marketing noted, "We are withdrawing our Agency of Record with the Glenn Campaign for Senate effective immediately. To our knowledge they have yet to place any paid mass media advertising."

Even though The Gazette continues to give Glenn lots of free media, there's no sign that Glenn has much support outside of El Paso County. Bennet will win — the only question is by how much. So who knows, if Hillary doesn't run for a second term, why not Mike? Bennet vs. Gardner in 2020; now there's a win/win for Colorado.

And speaking of our own crazy El Paso County (which Trump will certainly carry), let's be grateful that there are no other visibly demented candidates on the ballot. No photographer-kicking Doug Bruce, no nutty Charlie Duke, no rough beasts shambling to the Capitol to be sworn in.

A major upset may be brewing in Commissioner District 3. Republican Stan VanderWerf is a smart, competent, conservative, male military retiree — the very model of a Colorado Springs GOP elected official. But his Democratic opponent, Electra Johnson, is smart, competent, young, female and charismatic. In a sour, angry time, she represents a hopeful future. Winner: Johnson.

It's a similar situation in District 4, where another Democratic businesswoman, Liz Rosenbaum, has a legitimate shot against GOP nominee Longinos Gonzalez Jr. But my guess is Gonzalez will prevail.

In House District 17, Republican incumbent Kit Roupe faces Democrat Tony Exum. It's a strange swing district: Dems win in presidential years and Repubs take it back in off years. That pattern has continued since 2006. Roupe and Exum are both admirable legislators, but it's donkey time. Winner: Exum.

Finally, two Colorado seats in the U.S. House are in play. Incumbent Trump-supporting Republicans Mike Coffman (who just recanted) and Scott Tipton have strong, capable female opponents. The boys are toast; Morgan Carroll in CD6 and Gail Schwartz in CD3 will wear the robe and crown.