Mug - Anna Fiorino

You are either “apple” or “pear,” and if you aren’t one of those, you are “hourglass,” “inverted triangle” or “ruler.” 

Don’t you hate it when people try to pigeonhole your body type into a single desk accessory or piece of fruit? I have banana-shaped legs, pear arms, a goji berry torso. I am a fruit basket. According to Penn Medicine, “fruit basket” is not an option. Even though they are delicious and enjoyed by virtually everyone. 

Speaking of bodies, I am trying to treat mine better. Actually, “I am experiencing the biannual jolt of motivation to get into shape” is probably more accurate. 

Naturally, like the kind of exercise that tends to accompany these frenzied delusions of perfect fitness/optimal health, I attempted a workout that I was physically incapable of doing. But I think even my infantry 6-mile-a-day boyfriend would be proud of the attempt. 

1. Trail run. My doctor says my lungs are “fine” and that I “don’t” have asthma. (Though the wheezing would suggest otherwise.) 

2. Jumping pushups. The fastest way to break your nose. 

3. One-legged squats. In order to prevent what would’ve been a bad accident, this ended up requiring both legs and then also an arm.

It gets better, right? Tell me it gets better.

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Anna Fiorino is a graduate from San Diego State University. She is a journalist with (more than three but less than twenty) years of experience. In her free time, she edits novels.